Perceiving Differently

Do you perceive the world differently than you did ten or twenty years ago?

I know I do.

Perhaps that is one of the gifts of growing older. Perhaps it comes from years of deliberately expanding the lens through which I experience life. Whatever the reason, I have become increasingly interested in seeing what I once overlooked.

Much of that journey has involved making the unconscious more conscious. Too often we are driven by habit, old assumptions, or the more primitive parts of our brains. I want to make choices that are intentional rather than automatic—not because I expect perfection, but because I hope to cause as little unnecessary harm as possible.

Alongside that has been another lifelong practice: making the invisible visible.

That aspiration became one of the primary reasons Alan Briskin and I wrote Space Is Not Empty We wanted to explore the hidden forces that quietly shape our relationships, our organizations, and our lives.

One question has become central to my own practice:

What are we not noticing—within ourselves, between us, or around us—that is influencing what is happening here?

Simply asking that question changes the quality of attention. It invites aspects of a situation that have been operating outside awareness to emerge into view. Once they do, we have greater freedom to choose how we respond.

Alan and I call this Field Awareness.

A field is the living space in which visible and invisible forces continually interact to influence what unfolds.

Some of those forces are easy to see. The physical environment matters. Is the room welcoming, beautiful, and comfortable? Or does it feel cold, impersonal, and draining? (Think of those cavernous hotel conference rooms with fluorescent lights and pitchers of ice water lined up on large tables.)

Other forces are largely invisible. Each person enters carrying bodily sensations, emotions, assumptions, hopes, disappointments, and concerns. They bring the conversations they had on the drive over, the challenges waiting at home, the meeting they just left, and the stories they tell themselves about who they are.

Perceiving differently means becoming curious about both dimensions—the visible and the invisible.

It means wondering not only what people are saying, but also what may be shaping what they are saying.

One simple practice is the check-in. A check-in can remain on the surface: "How are you?" "Fine."

Or it can invite genuine presence: "How are you—really?" "What's occupying your mind today?" “What are you hopeful about? What are you carrying?"

Real check-ins create life-giving fields. Even when people are struggling, acknowledging our shared humanity deepens trust, connection, and vitality.

Four Conscious Choices

Perceiving differently ultimately comes down to four choices.

1. What we pay attention to

Attention shapes experience. If we spend our days doom-scrolling and reacting to endless crises, we cultivate one kind of inner field. If we also attend to our health, our relationships, beauty, gratitude, and what gives life meaning, we cultivate another. It is in this latter form of attention that we can develop field awareness. Attention is never neutral. It is constantly shaping who we become and what we can perceive internally and externally. 

2. Our inner state

Can we remain grounded when circumstances feel uncertain? What questions are we asking ourselves?

Marilee Adams distinguishes between judger questions and learner questions.

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with them?

Or instead:

What might I learn here? What else could be true? What is the overall felt sense in my body telling me?

The questions we ask determine the possibilities we can perceive.

3. Our intentions

Intentions can guide an entire lifetime or a single conversation.

One of my enduring intentions is to help create conditions where people can bring the best of who they are and what they know into the room. In a difficult meeting, that same intention may simply become helping people discover common ground they cannot yet see.

Our intentions quietly organize and focus our attention.

4. What we say and do

Our actions grow out of the first three choices.

What we notice influences our inner state. Our inner state affects whether we remain connected to our intentions. Together they shape what we ultimately say and do.

When we cultivate a receptive and discerning inner state, we are better able to respond consciously rather than react automatically.

These four choices form the foundation of Field Awareness.

Cultivating Receptive and Discerning States

Field awareness is more than an intellectual concept. It is a way of experiencing.

It asks us to perceive the whole field—including what may initially seem hidden or unconscious. That requires developing a receptive, discerning state of body, heart, and mind.

This is one of the greatest ways I perceive differently today than I once did.

Or perhaps I should say it differently. This is what I aspire to.

I have become better at sensing the forces shaping a situation, but I remain a student of perception and discernment.

That learning has come through many practices: meditation, massage and Feldenkrais lessons, hiking through forests and along lakeshores and oceans, eating well, getting enough sleep, weekly Focusing sessions in the tradition of Eugene Gendlin, learning from wise teachers, and engaging in meaningful conversations with friends and colleagues.

None of these practices makes me more enlightened. They simply help me become more receptive. More discerning.

More able to choose what deserves my attention, tend my inner state, remain faithful to my intentions, and respond with greater awareness of the visible and invisible forces shaping every interaction.

That, for me, is what perceiving differently is all about.

How do you cultivate receptive and discerning states?

And how have they changed the way you perceive yourself, others, and the world?